I will admit right now, that this is one of the scariest pages for me to post or even think about. But in an effort to make this a truly honest and helpful site, I’m going to put myself out there.
So here is the first. This was taken about 6 months before I began pulling. Man, I was still so young (only 11)!
1989
Here’s how I looked through most of high school and college. The mega short hair was not flattering. I always felt horrible about it (& myself), so I didn’t make much fashion effort either. I’m on the left. We lived in a farm town during the grunge era, so flannel came with the territory.
1995 ish
I held out on wearing wigs until I finished college & needed to interview for jobs. I wore this style for a few years:
Summer 2004?
After that, I found a cheaper, curly style that I stuck to until 2007. The curls didn’t hold well after being brushed, so eventually each wig relaxed to be more wavy like this:
March 05?
Wigs made out of real human hair are EXPENSIVE! I’ve only ever had one. I got it for 50% off because it was a display model. It came straight & I went nuts with the curling iron (the first time I’d gotten to use one in at least 10 years). This wig was my back up plan for our wedding.
December 06
About the time I got that wig, I started having better luck with growing my hair out for my wedding. This is about the amount of hair I really had under that wig.
You have no idea how geeked I was to be able to make even this tiny little ponytail.
Early 2007
This one was even more exciting!
Mid 2007
The only downside to growing out my hair was that I had to go through the crazy afro phase. It was standing on end every morning when I got up.
The following is my first hair trial for the wedding. I kept this updo in for 2 or 3 days because it was the first time out in public without my wig in about 7 years. People literally didn’t recognize me when I walked into my bridal shower that day. You can see some thinning above my temple. That area just won’t seem to grow anymore. The right hand one is my second hair trial after I realized what a cool natural spiral curl I had. That is ALL my own hair. I’ve never had curly hair before, just wavy, so I don’t know where this came from.
My hair was in pretty good shape for the wedding (July) and decent for the honeymoon (early Sept.). By October though it was getting a little thin again and I was worried about how to pin it up to hide the thin spots for my “trash the dress” photo shoot.
July & October 2007, respectively
After all that time growing my hair out, I now have good length, but lots of bald spots. It is soooo irritating to have experienced the fun of different hair do’s every day to now be stuck with this. The headbands are the only way I can go without a wig.
This disorder sucks.
The following are January 2011, but with my bits of longer hair pinned up to go under my hat. I can no longer wear just wide headbands. Instead, I had to cut some jersey knit (to be soft & comfortable) bandana style bands to wear at work, because I have to cover lower down in the back of my head than I’ve ever needed to before. In the top right, you can sort of see the one tiny braid I can make out of to top bit of long hair I have left.
This has been the trend ever since. I continue to wear head scarves for coverage, but also because it helps me feel close to the original traditions of the church I grew up in. It’s convenient for me that they fit together so nicely.
I like how even though they’re about 20 years apart, your expression doesn’t change at all between pictures one and four. 🙂
L, I didn’t notice that until you pointed it out, but I think you are right. I think that is my “okay if you really must take this photo” face. I will have you know, there is only 17 years between those two photos and not 20! Ok, no big difference, but there’s no need to make me feel older than I am! Roadhouse Pub & Butterfly World are two places I wouldn’t mind returning to sometime soon.
Hi!!!! i love your blog. I am starting my own blog, too. I made a video blog and i plan on making more, have you checked out the youtube video blogs? some are really really great. I will keep reading your blog and keep up the great work! You are a beautiful person and your struggle inspires me to quit too. oh, my video thing is shadowbeastmustdie on youtube. 🙂
much love,
Nicole
hey
do you have any suggestions for kids with trich. I know someone who has it and shes going through such a rough time. I showed her the title of your blog and she responded “I know its tricky” and began to cry. I cant seem to get through to her. Can you help her? PLEASE
By the way, congrats on your success
you are so brave to post these photos, i congratulate you. i actually came across your site today in a google search for my own [that i also cleverly titled ‘its trichy’.. hope neither you nor dmc copyrighted that lol]…. anyway i just started it because ive been battling with trich as well and have been wearing hair pieces that were adhered to my head for the past 2 years. though they looked great and i didnt have the urge to pull with them on [because the hair wasn’t growing out of my own head]…. i wasn’t helping anything. i was just avoiding the problem… covering it up. and my hair was starting to grow back underneath the hairpiece, but everytime i went to have it reattached it all had to be shaved down. so yah i was sick of not getting anywhere with it so last month i had the piece taken off and my head buzzed down. so now i have a relatively full head of hair… it may only be a half inch long but its mine… the trick now is just to let it grow and not pull…. easier said than done… so yah thus far ive been too timid to post any pics… i applaud your courage and commitment and your pony tail. so jealous!
Sadly there isn’t much ponytail these days, but I do keep trying. It’s all I can do.
I don’t think I could handle glued on hair pieces. Even wigs drove me nuts with itching. It’s the same reason I haven’t gotten extensions (that and cost). I used to pull from some of my wigs, so I’m afraid to do anything too costly. It’s highly likely I’ll pull expensive stuff too.
It was so incredibly brave of you to post your photos. I am 53 and have lived with this for 47 years. I hope I will get to the point someday to be able to do the same. Bravo!
i hate having trich infact i cant stop well it seems like that i am 12 almost 13 i were a wig i HATE it because i cant put in a tight ponytail or pigtails what should i do i have had it for a while nothing is working i am so afrade if someone in my school pulls it off and everyone will laugh i am scared i am researching wig that u can do that but i am not succsesfull i have add and adhd this is hard what should i do i just wont to give up or try but i dont have unuff energy to stop but i cant take it anymore with no hair i use to be really athetic but know no dance no soccer no bikeing no swimming no sleep overs no having fun this is hard what should i do ?
First off, take a breath. Stressing more than you already are isn’t going to help. Accepting that this is a life long journey for most women is not a fun thought, but a good place to start. If you accept that, and the fact there is no magic cure right now, will make your path a lot easier. It is scary to wear a wig around other people. I did have mine pulled off in middle school and then again after I was working (by a young student with his own impulse control issues–he thought he was pulling my hair, it surprised him as much as me). You get embarrassed, you get angry, and then you move on with life. The people who are worth having in your life will not make fun & will be there to support you. The others aren’t influences you want around you anyway.
I’m really struggling with my pulling this weekend. I was doing well and now I just can’t seem to stop. But I just see it as a road bump in life. I don’t let it own me or get me too down, because it just isn’t worth putting myself in that depressed anxious filled space. I do better just knowing that it is chemicals in my brain, messing with my head, & try to find a hat to put on or something to keep my hands busy.
Find the book “The Hair Pulling “Habit”.” It is designed for people your age to help and get an idea of many ways they can help get control over their urges. It is written in a simple & understandable way so that you can get through it quickly. It is sort of like a workbook and by the time you get to the end, you should feel a little more in control. If nothing else, you’ll have learned a lot about yourself & will have some tools to use when you’re having a rough day. I did ballet & worked outdoors as a puller. There is no reason to give up these things. Swimming was the only one I really struggled with and since I didn’t like that anyway, it wasn’t a big deal. I just wear bandanas on my head when going to a sleep over or to the beach.
There is love and beauty in these photos, D! It must have taken a lot of courage to post them. Although, honestly, I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of, anyway. You are not your hair. You are not your bald patch. You are You. And You is beautiful. 🙂
Inspiring. Keep it up.
Thanks Chris!
Hi itstrichy. I applaud your blog.
Iola, I wanted to reply to your post. I am 50 years old and have struggled with trich since about 10 years old. It is unfortunately a life long battle.
What I have come to realize recently (slow learner I guess) is that all the time I spent worrying about what others would think of me (for the past 40 years) was wasted time. I have trich, and that isn’t going to change. I regret having spent years and years and years (and years) beating myself up over it. The trich itself didn’t go away, and the anxiety, self loathing, isolation, just added to that. I have recently put my foot down and just said that I am not going to let this take anymore areas of my life than it already has. In a sense I am going to embrace what I have, and live a full life regardless of it.
It is easier to say that at 50 than at 12, because kids can be cruel, and you worry about so much at 12. Please believe me that as you get older you realize it didn’t matter. I regret all the years I gave up power to all those negative feelings. Everyone has their struggle…this is ours.
My heart goes out to all of the young kids who are struggle with this. If I could suggest one thing, it would be to get some type of info to try and help you work through the anxiety of what will happen if someone pulls off my wig. I loved itstrichy’s reply because she is exactly right…….. You get embarrassed, you get angry, and then you move on with life. The people who are worth having in your life will not make fun & will be there to support you. The others aren’t influences you want around you anyway.
In the past 5 years I just decided to tell everyone what I have instead of hiding it. If they want to think I’m strange, or wierd, or sick then that’s okay. My best revenge will be to sit secure in my value as a kind and accepting person. … to be happy … and to live a full life in spite of trich.
One thing I might suggest is that, if you could afford it, you might want to attend the TLC annual conference on trich. I think it would provide a place for you to fit in, rather than stand out. I think it is in San Francisco this year and sometime the end of April.
Best of luck….
Thanks Kathy, I find that age has definitely helped me put a new perspective on pulling. It is good to hear that seems to continue as time goes on. Thanks for being willing to speak up on your own behalf, but also for the rest of us.