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Archive for December, 2008

Not so much

My new goal is not sticking in my head and my hats are not staying on. I can’t keep my hands out of my hair. Argh. I should stop eating holiday junk food, especially the sugar and gluten that I know will make me feel lousy in other ways, and see if that helps. Will power is not my strong suit lately. Argh.

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Can’t pick just one

Huh, that subject heading could mean a few different things to us pullers and pickers, couldn’t it. Anyway, my intent was to say that I’ve had many ideas for posts floating in my head for a while.

First, I live in Michigan. Michigan is a scary place to be right now. The basis of our entire economy (autos) is in big trouble. People who don’t work for the big 3, often work for suppliers for the big 3. My husband’s company makes lots of parts for the interior of the cars. For the past few months, he’s worked 4 nights instead of 5. Thank god, they still consider him full time and let him keep his benefits. But they reduced hours during the busy season. I’m really scared what is going to happen in Jan & Feb when things are traditionally slow. Our budget isn’t set up for him to only work three nights a week, or to be laid off. But it is very possible and it scares me. That leads to anxiety, which leads to pulling.

Then there’s my job. I work in schools. Public Schools. I do music. When the funding goes down in a school, what’s the first thing they cut? The arts. Music is an art. It scares me. That leads to anxiety, which leads to pulling. Why would funding go down? Well, because schools are funded by tax dollars. If people aren’t working, then there isn’t tax revenue. Schools get less money and can’t keep all their staff. I’m an at will employee and not part of the union. I’m first on the chopping block as far as I can tell. Anxiety

So, while I’m trying really hard to be glad that we both have employment of some kind right now, if either of us loses ours (I’ve already lost one contract) we are f***d. Really, I don’t know what we would do. We live on a pretty meager budget as it is. So I worry, and I pull, and I try to stay positive. But I live in Michigan.

Onto other news: I’m helping to lead a work camp down in New Orleans this summer. Thank goodness, the sponsors of the trip are paying for all of my expenses. Otherwise I couldn’t do it. So, up to 25 high school students will be working to rebuild homes down in New Orleans and I will be helping keep them organized, safe, healthy, and will provide worship opportunities since it is a church sponsored event. I am excited, but anxious too. I haven’t worked with high school youth in a looong time. I haven’t led worship in a long time. I have hardly any hair and will probably need to remove my head covering for meals. Goodness.

So I have a new goal to work towards. It would be nice to at least have my hair all fill back in, even if it is short. Then I can just wear a headband rather than a bandanna that requires removal at meals. I’m trying to change my focus, so that I count success as using my non-pulling-tools (fidgets, bandannas, hats, etc.) rather than focusing on whether I pull or not. But it is hard since I’ve done it the other way for years and years. I can only go one moment at a time, though, and if I meet my goal, great. If not, and I have to remove my bandanna, then I guess I’ll be teaching some high school kids about TTM before dinner. 🙂

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