I think I might have finally gotten through the worst of this virus that I had. Unfortunately as the result of sleeping a ton, hardly eating anything for days, and spending way too much time on the couch resting, I also have gotten back into pulling more. A day home sick was when my pulling first began and to this day, sick days can do me in.
I can tell that I missed a bunch of my medicine (because I have to take it with food & I couldn’t eat). My mood sucks lately. All of a sudden I get the feeling that no one likes me or appreciates me, and that they only talk to me because they feel like they have to. I know this is from the depression that I have along with the Trich, so I’m working very hard at convincing myself the thoughts aren’t realistic and that I don’t have to get down about them. I just need to get back on track with my Effexor and I should be okay. At least I won’t be so paranoid & down.
So now I have to try and crawl back up on the wagon and work on this CBT stuff again. I can’t tell if it works at all, but at least it makes me more concious of my pulling and it puts me somewhat in a position of control as to whether I choose to give into the disorder or choose to fight a little harder, at least for right now. Sometimes I’m just too tired to care and so I pull. Sometimes I’m too sick & it doesn’t even occur to me not to pull. Sometimes I resist for a while and then give in because I can’t stand the itchy sensation on my scalp.
But even when I do give in, its up to me whether I’m going to pull myself up by the bootstraps & try again, or just let myself go crazy. My goal is to still be wig free for my trip to Chicago in 2 months. If a miracle somehow happens in the next two months and I can get enough hair to grow back in, I would love to also be headband free, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. (See the photos page if you don’t know what I mean by the headband.)
So I’m back, and if I promised you a post containing any specific information, I will get on it shortly!
How is the Effexor working for you? Does it help with the pulling at all? I just started it, and I’ve heard some pretty awful things about it.
As with all of the SSRIs and NSRIs that I’ve been on, the Effexor helps with my mood but not the pulling. I have depression in addition to the Trich, so just getting me out of the “woe is me” mindset helps me a lot. I can put the pulling in better perspective when I’m not down in the dumps all of the time.
I’m on quite a high dose, as was the case with many of the other similar meds I’ve tried. Compared to when I was on Zoloft, this is a cake walk. Zoloft really messed me up, as did Paxil. It took me a while to get used to the Effexor, and I have some occasional nausea and sometimes it keeps me from being able to fall asleep, but otherwise it seems to work well.
I wish it would make the pulling just disappear, but of course, that doesn’t seem to be the way the disorder works. But I am still thankful to actually be able to feel happy on the good days when I’m able to use my behavior modification techniques and such.