All Done

I just have to celebrate…I feel as though my presentation power point is DONE! I have some edits and slide prep to do, but figuring out what narrative goes with what slide and all of that is finished. From here on out I’m just practicing and refining.

AND I’m two days ahead of schedule. I don’t think I’ve ever beaten a deadline on something big like this ever before. It feels really good to have accomplished that.

My hair is suffering a little from all this computer time & trying to time myself speaking, but I can accept that just from the thrill of being about done with this thing.

Better or not?

So as you might recall, I’ve been posting that I’ve been doing better with my pulling lately. Upon looking at my hair last night though, I”m starting to wonder if I was just delusional.

Perhaps those struggles while driving really are worse than I thought (due to the fact that at home is so much better?). I’m not sure what’s going on with my actually pulling frequency/duration/severity.

I do know that I’m still feeling way better than I would’ve expected going into the week prior to my presentation and 5 days prior to flying.

And really, if I’m feeling successful, that’s all that matters regardless of how much scalp I can see right?

Two Months ago…

I started the TLC Hands-Down-a-thon in an effort to reduce my hair pulling. Perhaps some of you have kept up with my progress on here. For those just visiting for the first time here’s the gist:

1. The first few days were great & I was really empowered. I sent out lots of emails, got great donations, and did great using my tools to help beat urges.

2. A couple of weeks into September I really started to struggle and it was hard for me to stay motivated. I felt like I pulled a lot and even though I wasn’t feeling stressed, I just was frustrated.

3. I read some helpful info in some of the books I’m using for research. Even though my donations had fallen to zero and I was sad about that, I found a new tool (aka pen caps) and started taking a more proactive approach.

4. I lost my favorite pen cap in the car somewhere, so driving is still a struggle for me. Hopefully wearing winter hats will help with that some. I’m doing much better at home and have been managing my stress level much better than I’d have expected considering the HUGE deadline I have in only 11 days.

5. I have just about two weeks left of this major stressor hanging over my head. At the same time, I’ll be learning more great things about hair pulling and music therapy, so I’ll share what I can when I find something interesting!

So thanks to those of you who have been reading. I hope that you’ll stick around. Please comment if you ever have questions or something to share. It gets a little lonely on this side of the monitor.

As an aside, I got to dress up for Halloween this year and used a felted cloche hat I made last year for my 1926ish garb.  My hair is a great length right now for that era & the hats:

Halloween Magic

Look, I can disappear!

Or rather, I did and now I am reappearing.

Those of you who have been reading for a while might remember that I have a big presentation about Trich coming up in two weeks. In fact, I will be on the plane two weeks from right now.

So I’m frazzled and the stress is just starting to really settle in. I just need to buckle down & get comfortable with my presentation notes. It will all be fine, but the anxiety has held off longer than I’d expected. That was nice.

But I’m going to be busy and stressed so if you don’t hear from me for a while, no worries. I’ll be back once I have my head screwed back on straight.

I miss you!

I haven’t received any comments in a long time! I keep getting hits, so someone is here reading, or at least looking. If you’re a regular reader, or even someone new, I would love to hear what you think, what you’d like to see on here, comments, questions. I like having some interaction with my readers. Use a code name if you want, I don’t mind. You don’t see my name listed all over either, do you?

Ups & Downs are inevitable

If you’ve been keeping up with me recently, things have been going a little more smoothly. I have a better handle on my triggers & using tools proactively.

Today, however, was not one of those days. I let some frustration and stress get to me. Maybe a little fear sprinkled over with a bit of overwhelmed on top.

I wish this weren’t the case, but I also know that it was just one day, and compared to other bad days, I still did better. Tomorrow is new and after some sleep, I will try again.

How do you encourage yourself after (or during!) a rough patch?

Two more weeks

There are two more weeks of the Hands Down A Thon to raise money for the Trichotillomania learning center. I’ve been doing a whole lot better this week with a few slips here & there. Overall my pulling is way down from even a couple of weeks ago. Afternoons while driving home are still the worst for me, but with the discovery of pen caps to keep my mouth occupied, along with beads for whichever hand isn’t steering, I’m doing a lot better.  If you read this blog regularly and haven’t yet donated to TLC, please click on the “firstgiving” link to the right and sponsor me in my efforts to raise money for TLC.

I have 3.5 weeks left to work on my presentation about BFRBs and music therapy, so I’m tying up loose ends, making sure I have everything in the presentation that I want, and then I need to start timing myself to see if there’s anything else to cut out.

In addition I’m submitting two more proposals for other conferences on similar topics. Everything is due during the next couple of weeks so I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Part of me wonders whether all of this presenting is a good idea since going to these conferences is expensive, and I don’t even know how this first presentation will go. But I figure it will get easier the more I do it. It’s good exposure both for music therapy and for BFRBs, so even if I don’t meet my own goals of success, the world as a whole will be better off.

Speaking of, I’d better get back to work. I have my squeezy hat on today so temptations are very low so far. Too bad I can’t just wear one of these all the time!

Could it be that simple?

Can you tell what that is?  It’s a pen cap.  One from a bic cristal pen, in fact.  And it seems to have saved me this week.  I’ve never really been one to chew on pencils or pen caps or anything.  But in a random moment of typing over the weekend I put my pen in my mouth to hold it while I did something else.  I realized that with its different edges & textures on it, it was good for satisfying some of the mouthing issues I have when pulling.  Sometimes it is my scalp that tingles and I pull because of that.  Sometimes my hands need occupying or get bored.  Sometimes it is just anxiety and sometimes my lips & teeth need something to do.

Yes, I’m one of the ~45% of pullers who also plays with the hair after pulling (can you believe its that high?) and I haven’t ever been good at subbing that particular part of things.  I can keep my head compressed (hat) and my hands busy (knitting, gloves, wrapping in a blanket) but other than when I’m actually eating, I haven’t ever subbed my mouthing behaviors (unless chewing my lips and such counts–but that’s not a “good” sub).

So, I don’t like pens with lids on them anyway.  I prefer the spring loaded kind.  I hate messing with caps so they usually get separated from my pens anyway.  So this is great.  Now I can have a few of them laying around and instead of capping my pens, I can suck on them instead.

It’s a little weird, but it seems to help a lot.  Are there any day to day items you have around you that may be an unknown tool that you don’t have to go out of your way or spend money on to use?

3 Weeks Left

I know I’ve said it before, but I can’t believe how time flies. Here we are nearing the half way point of October.  Yipes.

There are three weeks left of the Hands Down Challenge and I finally feel like I’m making some headway again. I’m not sure what clicked into place but it has been easier to feel urges coming on, find tools to use, and resist said urges. Perhaps it is partly due to reading through The Hair Pulling Habit for my presentation. I’ve always known about this book but never bought it since it is targeted for younger pullers. The advantage though is that I was able to read the whole book in one night and it did really simplify the whole behavior mod/comprehensive treatment model for dealing with urges. Their strategy is “Fiddling SHEEP” which is just funny, but you’ll have to check out the book or the website to find out what that actually means.

Anyway, even though most of it is stuff I knew already and have done in one form or another over the years, it was really nice to have a quick-read version.  (Granted I didn’t read all the samples by “Sally” the puller in their book.) Since reading is a trigger for me, the faster & more concise the better. To actually DO the program it would take weeks, but even the reminders from browsing it were helpful.  Once this presentation is done and I feel I can concentrate on ME a little more, I might try going through a couple of the programs I’ve read up on and find a plan that works better for me.

One thing I knew but had slipped out of consciousness was that to really be successful, you have to use your tools BEFORE you actually need them.  By the time your hand is on your head it is too late.  It works better if the hat is on as soon as you sit down at the computer so you don’t have to go get it later (which in my case rarely happens).  Put band-aids on your fingers even if you don’t feel any urges or have your fiddle toys in your hands when you sit down to read rather than having to find them later while you are in the thick of trying to resist urges too.

So, I am making progress at least for now and I hope it sticks. If any of you feel like you’re floundering but don’t want to read through a BIG book like the Penzel or Christenson et al books, then I suggest looking at “The Hair Pulling Habit and You.”

Last Day!

Wow, today is the last day of Trichotillomania Awareness Week. Time flies & way too fast for my taste lately.

I don’t have much to say today. I’m trying to make myself more aware and catch myself if I start pulling or any of the precipitating behaviors (scratching an itch etc.). Driving is still the worst and my defenses are down because I’m trying to stay between the lines!

I went to support group again last night which was very small. But I got invited out to dinner with some of the members after so that was nice…especially with my lack of local friends issue.

So I’m just checking in to say hi and to commemorate that this week was awareness week. I don’t have anything terribly insightful or inspirational to pass forward however. I’ll try harder next time.