A time of twelves

If I waited a few more days, I’d have another 12 to add to this, but being in the year 2012 with just over 12,000 visits to my site seems good enough!  We have a lot of good things that happen in twelves around here.

Happy New Year by the way.  I really don’t find myself saying that much.  It seems so silly for some reason.  Even as the ball drops I feel like a dork singing it out as I toast my glass.   Our party was so quiet & slow this year I don’t think the couples even made it to each other to smooch this year.  Oh well.  At least we had friends & siblings to hang out with!!  That’s more than I can say for some holidays.

Anyway, I haven’t forgotten you all.  Since the last time I posted, I even have my bottom eyelashes back.  The top is another story and we won’t even talk about head hair.  BUT, I got a fabulous designer dress at Goodwill for $6, figured out how to pull my long wig into a messy bun updo, found fabulous red shoes, and was able to go to a wedding and staff party feeling pretty fantastic.  I’ll take what I can get.

Better yet, we’ve passed the winter solstice so from here through June, we’re getting MORE LIGHT!  That can only do good things for me.  Winter has been kind to us so far, as well, so things are good.

I hope the new year is full of good things for you even if you hair isn’t quite the way you’d like it.  Let’s practice some gratitude & joy.  It can help sweep those winter blahs away.  List for me three things, you’re thankful for or find good that aren’t hair related.  Ready……GO!

Guess what?!

I’m still here! Summer has been crazy and sitting down to blog just hasn’t occurred to me much. It’s sad but true. I’m very thin right now & top eyelash-less, which stinks. I’m definitely not going to meet my goals for vacation in a month. That’s okay, I’m just focusing on being okay with the fact all of our photos will be of me in a bandana. Again. Yuck. I’m not all the way to accepting that one. I don’t want to wear a wig in the heat & sun though, either. I hate traveling with them.

Anyway, I’ve been searching for some info for people who have emailed me and was reminded of some really good posts at a time that I was blogging a lot. It was nice to see that sometimes I actually write something of substance!

I hope you’re all having a good summer, staying cool, & relaxing a little. I keep hoping that if I relax, I won’t pull as much, but then I get into boredom pulling, so it can be a double edged sword. This week is a massage, though, so that should be a great, pull-free, hour!!

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to check back in now that I have a moment to sit, think, & breathe. It has been a crazy spring. I don’t think I’ve ever had one so busy. I think it was mostly good stuff, but honestly parts are hard to remember!

On the way home from work today I looked in my review mirror to see someone playing with her hair and looking at least very close to pulling. She’s at least a twirler. It was a reminder to me of how many of us have these behaviors. 1 in 50 is a lot. Add skin pickers to the mix, and oh boy, we’re everywhere.

If you’re feeling like the only one, just look around when you’re in a crowd. Know that you really aren’t the only one. 1 or 2 or 10 of those people probably hide these behaviors (and their damage) too. Reach out instead of staying inside your armor.

A video for Dads (& other family)

I think admiting you have trich & pull your hair is the hardest thing a puller has to do.  Telling people is definitely next on the list.  Telling a parent you can’t control your own body is terrifying.  Being worried they might reject you is awful.  I’m sad to hear from other pullers that they’ve had just that type of experience.  Considering how accepting my parents have always been, I can not even fathom how parents could act in a cruel manor towards their own suffering child.  But if they don’t understand, they don’t understand.

Now we have an easy tool in our arsenal to help our parents, husbands, boyfriends, and even other family members learn about & understand our struggles.  I’d love a version for mothers too!!  Even if you have a good relationship with your parents, they know about your pulling, and are supportive, this is worth sharing.

Thanks to TLC for coordinating this project.

Dear Hands,

Dear Hands,

I finally have some eyelashes growing in long enough that they don’t poke & itch. Please leave them there. I like eyelashes…on my face.

-D

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter Everyone!

We weren’t able to be with family this year, so it was a very low key holiday for us.   A little to much for my taste.  I had more time on my hands than is good for a person who uses said hands to pull hair.  I tried to keep my head covered though and did pretty well, I think.  I did quite a bit of baking yesterday which kept me busy.  Today I was getting fidgety & wanted something Easter-y to do so I decorated the cookies I’d made.  The bunny shapes didn’t turn out so great, so we ended up with Easter Kitty instead.  I wonder what our cat thinks of that!

I hope you all made it through the holiday okay, especially if you were lucky enough to have a long weekend (many schools around here had Good Friday off).  I hope that for those of you who struggle with family get togethers, you had positive experiences.

I’m working on being gentle with myself and just trying to give myself some grace.  I always feel like I should be doing something different than I am.  I’m trying to be okay with the fact that while I should get priority items knocked of my to do list, there are a lot of things that just don’t matter.  Relaxing without stress or a guilty conscious is more important than what others think.  Not to mention, most people don’t look far enough past the end of their nose to know what I’m doing or not doing anyway!!

PS  If anyone wants to make those gluten free sugar cookies, they are fantastic.  Gluten Free Gobsmacked has the perfect recipe.  I like them better than any other sugar cookie I’ve ever tried, gluten full or free.

Wow! 10,000

I’ve surpassed the 10,o00 hit mark on this blog.  That’s hard to believe!  More so when I consider I have slacked completely on posting.

I’ve had a really busy and stressful month.  It is definitely showing via my head & eye lashes. I really have very few top lashes left, which makes me quite sad.  My scalp just keeps getting thinner & thinner.  I’m not even sure the long bandana style scarves are really useful anymore. They certainly don’t feel professional or stylish.  Part of me feels like I should return to the wigs, but it would be just in time to be HOT all summer long.  Yuck.

I have an important work meeting this week & I’m struggling with whether to go comfortable in my scarf & risk looking slightly less professional, or to take a wig along that day just to wear for the meeting.  Somehow that feels more fake than the scarf.  I guess I do have one head covering that looks a little more stylish & coordinated with my outfits than if I just wore my regular black one.  Maybe I’ll do that.  I don’t know.  Really, I wish I could just skip the meeting and talk to them on the phone to save us all a lot of time (and gas money!)

I have no focus right now.  My hair is not a priority, which is why I’m not writing.  I hope you’ll bear with me.

Another Hair Cut

My Hair Cut post from 2008 seems to always be the front runner in my “top posts” list. I’m not really sure why this is except for that people seem to find my blog via a search for photos. The self conscious part of me is still weirded out by that.

In fact, I find I’m still weirded out by hair cuts. Even though my dad cuts my hair, I hate having it done. I’m never sure how it is going to look since I have the spiral curls with a mind of their own, & SO much missing right now. The old adage “oh, it will grow out” just does NOT give me comfort. In all reality, while the hair WILL all grow at some point, it isn’t necessarily going to grow well or end up looking nice.

For a while, when I had more hair, I tried to be a champion & I forced myself into the salon where I could chat with the stylist about trich. Now that I have barely any hair to get trimmed, I just can’t make myself spend the money to have someone cut two straight lines. My dad is able to do a good job & he is willing, so I take advantage of that. It feels like a cop out though. If I could get my hair trimmed for $5 or for free, I’d still put myself “in front of the firing range” and expose my poor almost-bald scalp, just for the sake of “the cause”. I just can’t bring myself to spend money to do such a thing though. Does that make me less of an advocate?

How do you deal with hair cuts?

Expert Consensus TTM Treatment

Any of you who are members of the Trichotillomania Learning Center should’ve already received this info, but I want to make sure it is out there for everyone else too.  TLC just released a document from their Scientific Advisory Board about what Trich & BFRBs are, what the effective treatments are & are not, as well as what treatment might look like for patients of various ages.  Medication is addressed as well.

Right now you can download the pdf from their website, or from here if you want to save a step.  I think this would be a fantastic way to share information about this disorder with your doctors and therapists if you feel like they don’t have a good understanding of your condition.  Since it is written by therapists & doctors, it is based on research & clinical experience and is full of the most up to date & accurate information.  However, it is written for the client to be able to understand, so it is still accessible & understandable.

Take a look at it yourself & then make sure to forward it on to anyone you think might need or want a better understanding about the treatments available for Trich these days.  A lot has changed since I first diagnosed myself & had to teach my doctor about my disorder!  More still needs to, so that we can all receive well advised & adequate care.

Insomnia

I had a bout of insomnia this week with three nights of laying in bed unable to fall asleep.  I managed to go to work & function relatively okay.  I struggled with it most in the evenings though.  I definitely ran out of energy as soon as I put my things down by the front door.  I didn’t want to cook (ie eat the way I should), didn’t feel like drinking the water I desperately needed with this bone cold dry air we have right now.  More so, I didn’t feel like fighting myself about my hair.  Or more accurately, the thought of using tools or resisting urges never even crossed my mind.

So, I pulled a lot this week.  It is frustrating because I feel like I’m running out of time to make some actual headway before August, but that isn’t a healthy way to think about things.   I’m just going to move on.  It really doesn’t matter.  Last night I slept better, so hopefully it was just a passing thing & I can focus on tools & such as I catch up on sleep.  But, it is amazing to see what a lack of sleep will do.  Doubly so, since I’d actually gone to bed on time & should have been feeling good!